Autistic burnout is a mental state that happens when an autistic person becomes unable to keep up with the real (or perceived) demands that they feel are being placed on them in order to fit into the expectations of the world they live in. Burnout often happens during transitions, such as when a young adult graduates high school and is moving towards a more independent lifestyle. It also happens when an autistic person has been in a situation such as a job that is not accommodating their needs, and where they have needed to do a lot of masking or camouflaging. It happens when the autistic person is experiencing big changes or losses. It happens when daily life is too much. These types of situation drastically increase the mental load placed on an autistic person’s brain. When a person’s brain no longer can keep up with the demands placed on it, they reach the point of autistic burnout.

As a non-autistic person, I have no personal experience with autistic burnout. Yet, when living life with my autistic friends I can see that it is a very real experience. For me, the best approach for understanding it is to go to the source – the autistic people themselves – and listen to and try to understand their experiences. I have several go-to autistic-led resources that I use in order to gain input and understanding of the autistic experience. Here, I summarize some of the best inputs I have from those resources.

What is autistic burnout?

What autistic burnout looks and feels like can vary widely among different autistic people. The common underlying presentation is an inability to regulate themselves and to function, because they are overwhelmed by the expectations being placed on them – despite a real desire to meet those expectations. The mind and body just shut down, there is no ability to function. Autistic burnout is a state of utter exhaustion. Since autistic burnout results from trying to push through challenges, it cannot be solved by trying to push through the burnout – it must be handled by stepping back, resting, and recharging.

In this video in the series Ask an Autistic, Amythest Schaber frames autistic burnout as something that happens when the autistic person has too much going on, and is not taking care of their sensory, social and other needs. She says, “It’s kind of like your brain is just exhausted and cannot go any further.” A person may feel like they are ‘becoming more autistic’ because they no longer have the mental energy to mask or camouflage to fit in and act in a way that can pass for being ‘normal’.

In this article, the Autistic Scholar (Patrick Dwyer) defines autistic burnout as, “… the consequence of accumulating stress and exhaustion from trying to constantly cope as an autistic person in an overwhelming, often hostile world. As autistic people, we are expected to camouflage our autistic features and appear more neurotypical; to pretend constantly, all the time, that you are someone you are not is exhausting. We are frequently subjected to sensory overloads and expected to push through them and continue functioning; to have to continuously cope with overwhelming sensory input is exhausting. Basically, autistic people have stressful lives, and coping with this stress is exhausting.”

This insightful article by The Autistic Advocate helps explain the inner experiences of a person going through autistic burnout. Kieran divides autistic burnout into two categories. Social burnout is when the sensory challenges and the need to mask during parts of your day – like school or work – take away all of your mental energy. In order to be ready for the next day, the result of social burnout is that you need to incorporate significant time to rest and recover into your daily rhythms.

Extreme autistic burnout is when the shutting down of your mind and body persists for weeks, months or years. This state looks similar to depression, but Kieran states that it is actually a different mental state than depression. He says of his own experience with extreme autistic burnout, “It was like a switch had gone off, my verbal ability to convey what was going on in my mind and body was gone. … I did not want to die, I’ve never wanted to die. … I needed to step out. … I needed to remove myself from the environment and take myself elsewhere; I needed to escape. …But the only way I knew how to do that was to die. So I tried.” Extreme autistic burnout develops over a long period of time, and consequently recovery from it also takes a long period of time.

Another good resource on autistic burnout is this interview with Dora Haymaker, an autistic person who researches autism. She defines autistic burnout as, “A state of pervasive exhaustion, loss of function, increase in autistic traits, and withdrawal from life that results from continuously expending more resources than one has coping with activities and environments ill-suited to one’s abilities and needs.”

How do I help someone avoid / recover from autistic burnout?

Autistic burnout comes from the crushing overwhelming mental load of trying to live your life, do what is necessary to support yourself, and exert your mind on trying to understand how to fit into a world which is largely incomprehensible to you. From my perspective, this means that the most helpful approaches to supporting an autistic person revolve around decreasing the mental load they need to exert to ‘fit in’, and increasing their ability to access the things that are necessary to recharge their mental energy.

Listen to them

The most important starting place for a non-autistic person to understand the autistic experience and autistic burnout is to listen to the stories of the autistic people around you. Autistic and non-autistic people experience the world very differently, but in the end we are all equal humans walking on the face of this earth. Be open-minded and ask open-ended questions. Additionally, please keep in mind that even within the family of autistic experienc”e, each autistic person has different experiences and needs, so you cannot extrapolate new understanding from a few examples. “Even autistic people with heavy burnout experience aren’t likely to assume other autistic people’s experiences of it are the same as their own“[1]. Whatever your understanding of burnout is, it is still helpful to ask a question like, ‘What does autistic burnout look like for you?’.

You can also read sources on the Internet. The ones I am citing here are ones I have found particularly helpful for this topic.

Listening takes effort – I have a hard time understanding autistic people, just as they have a hard time understanding me. However, when I can listen to their experiences and understand their sensory needs, their social needs, their needs to take time to rest and recharge, then I have a better sense of how I can work to mitigate the challenges of living in a world that is not set up for their neurotype.

Adapt to their sensory needs

Where possible, you can change the sensory environment to accommodate the needs of the autistic person. This includes both changing the overall environment and providing the ability for the person to take sensory breaks according to their specific needs.

Amythest also talks a lot about stimming and about different ways that an autistic person can regulate themselves and recharge their energy. A good way to support an autistic person in avoiding autistic burnout is by understanding what helps regulate them, and when they may be in a situation where they need to step out to take a sensory break. With that understanding, you have the information you need to support them in maintaining healthy rhythms to mitigate burnout.

Be careful of the expectations you are placing on them

If you are in a position where you find yourself placing expectations on an autistic person in any way (for example, behavior, social, or performance), re-evaluate those expectations. Note that you may be placing expectations on them subconsciously, based on your own notion of how people ‘ought to’ behave, or interact socially, or get things done. Clarify your expectations in your mind and drop all that are unnecessary, unclear or overly strict. For the rest, work with the person to determine a path through those expectations that works for both of you. Be prepared also that they will have expectations on you which also will need to be discussed.

One huge expectation that we often place on an autistic person is asking them to look like a non-autistic, or neurotypical, person. We expect an autistic person to do things like a neurotypical person does them. Looking neurotypical is exhausting and invalidating for the autistic person. As Judy Endow puts it, “Ultimately, for me, passing as ‘normal’ means that I am now a fake person, never able to be myself without putting my ability to make a living in jeopardy.”

Patrick Dwyer says, “Autistic people don’t deserve to be surrounded by people who blithely assume that we can do things exactly like a neurotypical person, and when we fail, then assume that we can’t succeed at all. We deserve to be surrounded by people who understand our differences and allow us to follow our own paths, but who will still believe that we can succeed and thrive.” In other words, when we expect an autistic person to do things in the way a neurotypical person does them, we rob them of the energy required to be successful and do well in ways that are more natural to them.

Note also that, while non-autistic people often ask autistic people to do things like a neurotypical person does them, we non-autistic people also do not pause to ask ourselves how we can do things more like an autistic person. The pressure to adapt is one-sided.

Help them belong as opposed to making them ‘fit in’

Supporting an autistic person means fully accepting them for who they are. It means listening to the stories they tell, and believing that their experiences are valid, even when you are having a hard time understanding them. Their experiences are important, even if you do not understand them. They want to feel like they belong, not that they need to try to ’fit in’.

Dora Raymaker says, “being accepted for who you are as an autistic person and supported by others, being able to act autistic and do things that fuel you (like engage in special interests), taking time off, and having a reduction in expectations to do things in the same way as non-autistic people are some of the primary things that help.”

As Dora alludes to, one way to communicate to an autistic person that they belong is to listen to the things that they are passionate about – their special interests. Sharing special interests with each other is one way that autistic people bond emotionally with each other.

Keep an eye out for autistic burnout indicators

There are common features you can look for when trying to understand when an autistic person is struggling and possibly headed for autistic burnout. Kieran, in his article, has a list of warning signs to look for. This complete list is worth looking at, but I will not repeat it in its entirety here. The list does include things like,

increases in lethargy, irritability and anxiety,
increased sensory sensitivity,
increased difficulty hearing, producing language, and communicating,
brain fog, forgetfulness, decreased executive function, slower thought processes,
extreme overwhelm,
massive increase in guilt.

Often, when we see these things, we are inclined to ask the person push through their challenges. However, the better response is to support them in pulling back.

In Conclusion …

If you know someone who is autistic, please listen to their story. Ask them how you can support them. Give them the space and time they need to unmask and be themselves – whether supporting them in unmasking while you are with them or being considerate when they need time by themselves. Operate under the correct assumption that they are better experts on their needs than you are — do not fall into the common pitfall that you actually have better ways to support them.

If you are managing a person who is autistic, listen to their needs — especially with respect to workload, sensory needs and social requirements. Again, they are best at understanding how to manage their workday to be the most productive while minimizing mental overwhelm leading to autistic burnout.

I cannot emphasize this enough – listen to the autistic people around you. When you want to know more, find first-hand accounts from autistic people on the web, in books, in articles. Autistic people are the experts in living the autistic life well.